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Career Q &
A
 By Mitchell Stephenson
March 15, 2010
I work in a small office for a not-for-profit organization, and I like my job, but I work right next to someone who is VERY unhappy with her life. I have noticed over the past few months that I am starting to become more negative about my job and life in general. Can one person have this kind of impact? Should I look for another job? Everything is great other than this.
Always look on the bright side of life...
As Monty Python so philosophically put it, life is too short as it is, so we should all try to look at the positive aspects of our situation whenever possible, and it appears that you adhere to that general outlook on life - that’s a great start! Most people, as study after study shows, are normally fairly happy with their lives. In a small office, however, one negative person can have a huge impact to the general atmosphere, and essentially cast a dark shadow over everyone else.
Start a mantra
Your own happiness starts with you. There are several techniques you can employ to maintain your generally sunny outlook, including starting your own personal mantra, to be used whenever your co-worker has a negative moment, or you are feeling down. This mantra can be a simple phrase, such as, "I love life and I am a happy person" or it can be a mental picture of your "Happy Place," or the thought of a hug from your significant other - essentially anything that puts you in a positive frame of mind to bring your equilibrium back.
Strength in numbers
How do other people in your office feel about your colleague? It’s likely that you’re not alone in your feelings. There can be a tendency with negative people for others to tolerate their conduct, and simply avoid interacting with "Negative Nelly" (or Ned). This general tolerance can simply reinforce these negative behaviours to the point at which your coworker sees it as acceptable by you and the group to display negative emotions. It can be awkward to deal with negative people, so there is a tendency to "sweep it under the carpet."
It is better to deal with it as a group - talk to other team members to see if they feel the same way. It is important to speak from a supportive, positive perspective, such as, "Ned is a nice person, but he can come across as very negative sometimes, how do you think we could help him overcome his negativity?" - rather than, "Wow that Nelly sure is a negative pain in the butt, isn’t she?!"
Fight fire with flowers
Hopefully you will find more people to help make the office a more positive place, but even if you don’t, there are things you can do to change the environment. How about starting up a Fun Friday Chip Party, or other fun event, for everyone to gather together and share one positive thing that happened during the previous week. An office "Fun Squad" can leave a small flower or other small gift, or written "happy thought" on everyone’s desk, or come up with other creative ways to celebrate the happy side of life. It is amazing the power that small, simple things like that can do to lift morale.
Talk to them
It is very hard to change a person’s general outlook, as it is usually a core part of their personality. However, it may be possible to reach that person by having an open and frank discussion with them. Has your colleague always been unhappy, or has there been a recent event in their life that has triggered this behaviour? Some people don’t realize how they are behaving to the outside world (they think they are successfully "hiding" their negativity). Sometimes having someone point it out is all it takes, with perhaps some additional happiness "coaching" (see Fun Squad).
Hint: If you have received this article anonymously on your desk, it may be you who is perceived as the "Negative Nelly or Ned" in your office.
If all else fails…
Remember, you have no control over someone else’s happiness, but you can control your own, so it really boils down to how much you react to someone else’s unhappiness. If it becomes too difficult, looking for another, more positive environment should be your last resort. After all, there are unhappy people in many organizations, so try to change your outlook and deal with them where you find them.
Good luck!
Mitchell Stephenson M.A., CPCC, is a senior partner and a certified professional career counsellor at Catalyst Careers, a career transition, counselling, and outplacement firm. Mitch has been involved in human resources, career counselling and coaching in the health and legal sectors for many years. To contact him, visit: www.catalystcareers.ca.
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